A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?"
The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on.
St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed.
Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off.
The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?"
The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: On average or do you want the whole distribution?
Q: Where does a general keep his armies?
A: Up his sleevies.
What do you do if you see your TV floating?
Say " DROP IT NIGGA".
What do you do if you see you refridgerator floating?
Run because that is one hell of a big black guy!
Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.
What’s the difference between a pigeon and a tramp?
The pigeon can put a deposit on a Porsche.
Yo momma’s so stupid, when I told her it was chilly outside she ran and got a bowl.
Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter?
A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
Budgeting: When you work out that the money you owe is exactly the same as the money you spent.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she uses transport trucks as roller skates.