Husband: Everytime I hit you, you never fight back. How do you manage your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet seat...
Husband: How does it help
Wife: I use your toothbrush!
A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder and asks for a beer.
The bartender brings a beer and notices the parrot on his shoulder and says, "Hey that's really neat.
Where did you get it?"
The parrot responds, "In the jungle, there's millions of them."
Coach: Your roommate and the captain of the team reported that you have many bad words for me in your sleep!
So do you abuse me in your sleep!
Football Player: Coach, It is just not true!
Coach: What is not true, I trust the captain and I am asking this in front of him!
Football player: Coach, It is untrue that I was sleeping!
I never married because there was no need – I have three pets which serve the same purpose as a husband.
I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway.
A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead."
Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up.
The cop gets out of his car and walk s to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.
Yo mama so fat she puts insurance on her food.
Q: What do you call a blonde chick standing on her head?
A: A brunette.
A kid walks up to his teacher and says "When is lunch."
The teacher said "When its my break."
"Your break for what? the kid asks.
"My break up" the teacher said.
The original CBS Survivor series was filmed in Chuck's mansion.
No episode aired, as no one survived.
Vote:
Q: What's blue and doesn't fit?
A: A dead epileptic.
Vote: