Yo momma’s so fat, she fell off a boat and the captain yelled, ‘Land Ho!’
Yo mama's so black if she sat in a jacuzy the water turned into coffee.
Some advice for guys: When the red river's flowin', take the dirt road.
Pet Owner: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes and sits in the corner." Vet: "That's perfectly normal; he's a boxer."
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
Q: What did the apple say to the worm? A: You're boring me.
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors? Because, if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan.
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? A: Gulp.
TECH: Hello, Friendly Internet. May I help you? CUSTOMER: Oh, hello young man. I was wondering if you offer online banking? TECH: We're an Internet service provider, ma'am. You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking. CUSTOMER: What do I need to do that? TECH: You just need the modem in your computer. That plugs into a phone jack. Sign up for an account, and sign up for online banking with your bank. CUSTOMER: But where does the money come out? TECH: I'm not sure I understand? CUSTOMER: You know...Does the money come out from that slot on the computer?
A desperate man enters a bar and says: All the lawyers are stupid!!! From a table a solid man rises up and goes to the desperate man: Take that back! Why? Are you a lawyer? No, I’m stupid...