Yo momma’s so fat, she fell off a boat and the captain yelled, ‘Land Ho!’
Yo mama's so black if she sat in a jacuzy the water turned into coffee.
Some advice for guys: When the red river's flowin', take the dirt road.
Pet Owner: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes and sits in the corner."
Vet: "That's perfectly normal; he's a boxer."
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
Q: What did the apple say to the worm?
A: You're boring me.
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
Because, if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan.
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
A: Gulp.
TECH: Hello, Friendly Internet. May I help you?
CUSTOMER: Oh, hello young man. I was wondering if you offer online banking?
TECH: We're an Internet service provider, ma'am.
You can certainly use our service to connect to online banking.
CUSTOMER: What do I need to do that?
TECH: You just need the modem in your computer.
That plugs into a phone jack. Sign up for an account, and sign up for online banking with your bank.
CUSTOMER: But where does the money come out?
TECH: I'm not sure I understand?
CUSTOMER: You know...Does the money come out from that slot on the computer?
A desperate man enters a bar and says:
All the lawyers are stupid!!!
From a table a solid man rises up and goes to the desperate man:
Take that back!
Why? Are you a lawyer?
No, I’m stupid...