A watched pot boils instantly for Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't read books.
He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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Chuck Norris was once in a catch 22, but he roundhouse kicked it down to to a 12 pack and literally drank his problems away.
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Chuck Norris kicked the world once, it hasn't stopped spinning.
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The universe expands because the stars believe this way will be safer from Chuck Norris.
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If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till."
After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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Chuck Norris can straighten a circle.
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Chuck Norris can split the atom.
With his bare hands.
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Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys.
The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore.
The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out."
The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth."
Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
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If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results.
It just doesn't happen.
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I once made a joke about Chuck Norr...
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