How do you lead a horse to water? With lots of carrots.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? 'Cause the cow's got the udder!
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waay too drunk. The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!" The guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"
Chuck Norris could stab you with a worm.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she tried to eat her chicken pox.
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. ''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.'' ''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''
Why didn’t the internet get any e-mail? Because his e-dog kept chasing the e-postman.
Yo mama so stupid that she mourned wen we slaughtered a goat for Cristmas.
Q: What was the last thing her husband said to her? A: I'll feed the dog, you feed the fish.
What is a nigger? Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.