The best animal jokes

A Bosnian catches a goldfish. The goldfish says: "Let me go and I will grant you one wish." The Bosnian says: "No way, I'll take you to the pawn shop – gold is gold."
Vote: has 43.63 % from 5 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Vote: has 43.61 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert. During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there. Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges. That's why we have the camel,sir." "The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay." About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent . Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sex with the camel. When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?" "No sir," the First Sergeant replies. "They usually just ride the camel into town."
Vote: has 43.46 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, military, women
A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm. He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"
Vote: has 43.43 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dirty
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator
Vote: has 43.39 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Why don't sharks eat niggers? They think it's whale shit.
Vote: has 43.26 % from 74 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, black people
What do you call a gay dinosaur?…… Mega-sore-ass.
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dinosaur
What is a Zebra? A Z-bra is 25 sizes bigger than an A-bra.
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, women
The male worm towards the female worm: Baby, if you don’t take me as you’re husband, I’m throwing myself to the chickens!
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, husband
Q: What is a zebra? A: A horse behind bars.
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, horse