Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but oats every day?
He fell in love with the Grand National winner!
Q: Why do hippos have to have sex in water?
A: Ever try to keep two tons of pussy wet?
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
Q: How do you know the Easter Bunny is really smart?
A: Because he's an egghead.
Q: Why can't you take a turkey to church?
A: Because they use such FOWL language.
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Question: What’s worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
Answer: A woman that doesn’t do what she’s told.
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink.
His friends plead with him to let them take him home.
He says no -- he only lives a mile away.
About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line.
Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in their area.
The police tell the drunk party animal to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery.
The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home.
When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.
A few hours later the police knock on the door.
They ask if Mr. SMITH is there and his wife says yes.
They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.
The police have his driver's license.
They ask to see his car and she asks why.
They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find their police car, with the lights still flashing.
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
Chuck Norris scares cows so bad, milk comes out their nose.
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Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats.
Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
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