What's the difference between a mosquito and a woman?
When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.
What did the cow wear to the football game?
A Jersey.
A lady goes into a bar with her goose.
Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?"
Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose."
And the bartender says, "Excuse me, I was talking to the goose."
"Does your dog bite?"
"No."
(Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him)
"Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!"
"That is not my dog."
Q: Why do hippos have to have sex in water?
A: Ever try to keep two tons of pussy wet?
A guy meets a hooker in a bar.
She says, "This is your lucky night.
I’ve got a special game for you.
I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words."
The guy replies, "Hey, why not?"
He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter?
A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
What is the definition of "moon"?
The past tense of "moo"!
What's a rabbits favorite TV show?
Hoppy Days.
Why is a reindeer like a gossip?
Because they are both tail bearers.