Why did the zombie baby cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken.
YOUR MOMS HOUSE IS SO POOR I WENT TO KNOCK ON HER DOOR AND A ROACH TRIPPED ME AND A RAT TOOK MY WALET.
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly.
Finally it creaks to a halt.
A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
Q: What do you get when 100 rabbits stand in a row and 99 take a step back?
A: A receding hare line.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
a lickalotapus.
What do you call a frog with no legs?
It doesn't matter- he won't come anyway.
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain?
(A drizzly bear!)
What do you if you're trapped inside a whale?
Run round and round till you're all pooped out!
Why did the spider buy a car?
So he could take it out for a spin!