The best animal jokes

Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner? He was already stuffed!
Vote: has 37.92 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, food, Thanksgiving
Why did the duck get arrested? because he was selling quack.
Vote: has 37.61 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, cop, duck
Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum. Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it. They take it into the car and continue down the road. The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do? He thinks for a minute and says, " Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch. Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down." She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that! That thing is smelly and nasty!" The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"
Vote: has 37.61 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal
What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy? Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!
Vote: has 37.61 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, food, marriage, wife
Q: What do you call a fight between you and your dad? A: Dady issues!
Vote: has 37.61 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dad
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
Vote: has 37.36 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, kids
One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE." It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him. When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for LOVE." The policeman arrested her on the spot.
Vote: has 36.90 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, cat, cop, women
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? a lickalotapus.
Vote: has 36.62 % from 67 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dinosaur, dirty, lesbian
I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman… “Mr Cook?” “Yes,” I replied. “I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.” I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”
Vote: has 36.51 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, cop, dog
Why did the spider buy a car? So he could take it out for a spin!
Vote: has 36.10 % from 39 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, car


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