There are two cows in a field. One says to the other: "So what do you think of mad cow disease?" The other replies: "I don't know, I'm a chicken!"
Q. Why did the man cross the road? A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waay too drunk. The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!" The guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? a lickalotapus.
Why do police dogs lick their balls? To get the taste of Nigger out their mouths.
Why did the spider buy a car? So he could take it out for a spin!
Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner? He was already stuffed!
Why did the duck get arrested? because he was selling quack.
Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum. Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it. They take it into the car and continue down the road. The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do? He thinks for a minute and says, " Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch. Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down." She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that! That thing is smelly and nasty!" The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"
What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy? Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!