‘I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.’ Steven Wright
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other: "So what do you think of mad cow disease?" The other replies: "I don't know, I'm a chicken!"
Q. Why did the man cross the road? A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods... Cats have never forgotten this. Here's proof that Cats are smarter than dogs... You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God! Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.My husband said it was him or the cat... I miss him sometimes. Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit!
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100? Because when she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waay too drunk. The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!" The guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"
Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle? It wants to keep it's Stockholm!
Why do police dogs lick their balls? To get the taste of Nigger out their mouths.
Why did the spider buy a car? So he could take it out for a spin!
Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner? He was already stuffed!