The best animal jokes

There are two cows in a field. One says to the other: "So what do you think of mad cow disease?" The other replies: "I don't know, I'm a chicken!"
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has 39.32 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, health
Q. Why did the man cross the road? A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
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has 39.32 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, men
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waay too drunk. The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!" The guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"
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has 39.32 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, drunk
Why did the spider buy a car? So he could take it out for a spin!
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has 39.18 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
Why did the duck get arrested? because he was selling quack.
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has 37.92 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, duck
What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy? Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!
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has 37.92 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, marriage, wife
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. "I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it." "I've spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."
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has 37.61 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, duck, money
Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum. Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it. They take it into the car and continue down the road. The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do? He thinks for a minute and says, " Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch. Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down." She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that! That thing is smelly and nasty!" The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"
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has 37.61 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.
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has 37.45 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, fart, women
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
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has 37.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids
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