The best animal jokes

A dog goes to a telegraph office and dictates a message. ‘Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.’ The operator reads it back then says, ‘Y’ know, we charge per ten words. You could have an extra ‘woof’ for free.’ ‘No thanks,’ says the dog.
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal
A mailman meets a boy and a huge dog. ‘Does your dog bite?’ asks the mailman. ‘No,’ replies the boy. And the dog bites the mailman’s leg. ‘You said he doesn’t bite!’ yells the mailman. ‘That’s not my dog,’ replies the boy.
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal
How is cat food sold? Usually purr can!
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What do you call a cow that's had an abortion? A: De-calf-i-nated.
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal
Yesterday I saw a man trying to chat up a cheetah. ‘Hello,’ I thought. ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’
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has 34.78 % from 6 votes. More jokes about: animal
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg? Unhoppy.
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has 34.69 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal
In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they talk and drive sportscars. An owl enters a psychologist's office. The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?" The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night." The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy. The next night, a cat comes in. He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?" The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy. The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl. The cat is told to wait outside. He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address! During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in. The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl. The cat replies, "He is here!" and poops on the floor, explaining, "I was sent to deliver him."
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has 34.25 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, cat, disgusting, time
How are tigers like sergeants in the army? They both wear stripes.
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has 34.13 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, military
Q: What do you call a fight between you and your dad? A: Dady issues!
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has 34.13 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, dad
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
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has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, time, travel
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