When is the best time to fake an orgasm? When a rottweiler is humping your leg.
There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."
What color socks do bears wear? (They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)
What did the idiot call his pet zebra? Spot!
Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.
I had to go round next door and look after my neighbour’s cat while he was away. Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of wee on his kitchen floor. Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a gorilla? An animal that puts you out at night.
On what should you mount a statue of your cat? A caterpillar!
What do you call fish poop? BassTurds!
What do you get if you cross a hippo, elephant and a rhino? A Helephino!!