What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
Why can’t elephants go on the beach? Because they can’t keep there trunks up.
What's the difference between an old cat and a baby kitten? An old cat scratches and bites but a little pussy never hurt anybody!
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waay too drunk. The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!" The guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"
A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
Why didn’t the internet get any e-mail? Because his e-dog kept chasing the e-postman.
What does a spider do when he gets angry? He goes up the wall!
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: "What does the cow say?" Child: "Moo!" Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?" Child: "Meow." Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."
A hippo once told me he hated gangs, but then he joined one What a HippoCrip.
Q: Why do gorillas have big noses? A: Because they have big fingers!