Me: Hey look its Nemo!
Worker: Sir, that's a clown fish.
Me: Bitch, that's a Nemo!
What's green and red?
A very mad frog.
How about we spank each other and call ourselves even?
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
He set a new lap record.
So...I had this rabbit that died of heatstroke after a week and I didn't have a time to name it.
So after it died and was on my lap the name came to me...I'll call it floppy!
Why couldn't the skunk use her phone?
It was out of odor!
Why God did made the snake before lawyers?
To exercise.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
(A teddy boar!)
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were having a conversation one fine Sunday evening.
One remarked to the other, ‘I got a new hearing device and it works fine?'
The second said, ‘oh yes, my grandchildren just love the gifts of my choice.'
The third one who noticed the hearing device in the ear of the first one asked, what kind is it?'
The one with the brand new hearing device answered ‘about 6 O'clock'.
All three of them looked up in the birds in the sky and said, "Birds of the same feather ‘flock' together."
What's green with bumps?
A frog with the measles!