What is the definition of revenge? A baby with a dog in its mouth.
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were having a conversation one fine Sunday evening. One remarked to the other, ‘I got a new hearing device and it works fine?' The second said, ‘oh yes, my grandchildren just love the gifts of my choice.' The third one who noticed the hearing device in the ear of the first one asked, what kind is it?' The one with the brand new hearing device answered ‘about 6 O'clock'. All three of them looked up in the birds in the sky and said, "Birds of the same feather ‘flock' together."
Q: Why do fish live in to the salt water? A: For the reason that pepper makes them sneeze!
How do you make a cat be a dog? Pour gasoline on it and light it with a match. It will go 'WOOF.'
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig? (A teddy boar!)
"Yes, ma'am," the old salt confided to the inquisitive lady, "I fell over the side of the ship, and a shark he come along and grabbed me by the leg." "Merciful providence!" his hearer gasped. "And what did you do?" "Let 'im 'ave the leg, o' course, ma'am. I never argues with sharks."
Name an animal that lives in Lapland? A reindeer Good, now name another. Another reindeer!
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.
The little snail begs for his mother: Mother, please let me pass the rail road! Thunder dear, not now. In five hours the train passes.
What's green with bumps? A frog with the measles!