The best animal jokes

Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At Night.
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris created the platypus by roundhouse kicking a duck at a beaver.
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, duck
Three women escape from prison….one is a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They run for miles until they come upon an old barn; they decide to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climb up, they find three gunnysacks and decide to put them over their heads for camouflage. About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy come into the barn. T he sheriff tell his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw. The deputy told him just three gunnysacks. The sheriff told him to find out what was in them…..so the deputy kicked the first bag, which had the redhead in it……and she went “Bow-wow.” So the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in the first one. Then he kicked the one with the brunette in it and she went “Meow.” The deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in the second one. Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it and there was no sound at all, so he kicked it again and the blonde said “Potatoes.”
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, cop, ginger, prison
Teacher: "What does a duck say?" Jenny: "Quack Quack" Teacher: "What does a cow say?" Madison: "Moo" Teacher: "What does a pig say?" Little Johnny: "A pig says *holds up gun* get on the wall, you motherfucker!"
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, kids, little Johnny, vulgar
If it walks like a duck, talks lidek a duck, and smell like a duck but Chuck Norris says it's a girrafe. It's a damn girrafe!
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has 62.79 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, duck
A boy asks his mother for breakfast. She says, "Not until you feed the animals." The boy goes outside and says to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today." So he kicks the chicken. He does the same with the cow and the pig. The boy goes back into the house and tells his mother that he's hungry. His mother says, "I saw you kick the chicken, so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow, so you're not getting any milk, and I saw kick the pig, so you're not getting any bacon." Just then the boy's father walks down the steps, trips and kicks the cat. The boy says, "Mom, should I tell him?"
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has 62.74 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, food
Three tortoises, Tinku, Teku and Toku, went into a restaurant. Each of them ordered a large ice cream sundae. They were waiting for their order when they noticed that it was pouring with rain outside. "We are going to need our umbrellas," said Toku. Tinku agreed. They both decided that Teku should run home to get the umbrellas, but he didn't want to go in case they ate his ice-cream while he was away. But Toku and Tinku promised that they would do nothing of the kind, so Teku set off. One week went by and Teku did not return. Two weeks went by and still he did not appear. Halfway through the third week, Tinku turned to Toku and said, "Come on, let's eat his ice cream." "Okay, let's," said Toku. Just then Teku's voice piped up from under the next table, "If you do, I won't go for that umbrella!"
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a lambrogini? A: Procupines have pricks on the outside.
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
Chuck Norris once had a pet monkey...his name was KING KONG
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out.
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
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