What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel? A bit of a shock really.
Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing? He was always standing up on the job!
Q: What's the difference between Chuck Norris and a bear? A: Chuck Norris has more chest hair.
Chuck Norris tangled with Wolverine. He beat to him to a bloody pulp, then dared him to heal himself. Wolverine will not be in the next X-Men movie.
When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs.
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.
Q: How do you know Noah was a White man? A: No nigger could stay on a boat for 40 days without eating the chickens!
Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear. The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulling out a pair of sneakers, and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said: "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans. I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear." "If you know that, why are you changing shoes?" "Well, the way I figure it," the first lawyer replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."
Two snakes are talking. One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?" The other replays, "Yes,why?..." "I just bit ma lip."
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.