The best animal jokes

Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It's my nut!" The first squirrel said, "That's not fair! I saw it first!" "Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second. At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn't quarrel.Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved." Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I'll take the meat."
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has 58.67 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, lawyer
Q: How do you know Noah was a White man? A: No nigger could stay on a boat for 40 days without eating the chickens!
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has 58.58 % from 583 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people, food, racist, white people
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?" The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue." The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo." "Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away. The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car. "Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo." "Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, car
What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets? Shoot the lawyer twice.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow? Cowboom!
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, god
What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater? Claws.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal
What's a skunk's favourite game in school? Show and smell.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, game, school
Why did the indecisive chicken cross the road? To get to the other side… er, no… to go shopping… no, not that either… damn it!
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal
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