Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? A: Finding half a worm."
Q:Where do you find a dog with no legs? A:Right where you left him.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..."
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The mother said, "Well, maybe that’s something you could ask the stewardess." So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?" The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?" "Yeah," says the other cowboy. "Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction." Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon." "Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what colour they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!" The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."
Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
Q: What is a black cat's favorite color? A: Purrrrrr-ple!
"My friend is nuts. He thinks he's Bugs Bunny. But I m positive he isn't." "How do you know he isn t?" "Because I am."
Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.
How do you hire a horse? Put a brick under each hoof!