The best animal jokes

Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.
Vote:
has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, weed
A little kid gets on a city bus, sits right behind the driver, and starts talking loudly, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow, I'd be a little bull." The driver gets annoyed as the kids continues to yammer on. "If my dad was an rooster and my mom a hen, I would be a little chick." The kid goes on and on with all the animals he knows, when finally, the bus driver yells, "What if your dad was a bum and your mom was a drunk?" The kid smiles and says, "I'd be a bus driver."
Vote:
has 56.81 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: animal, dad, kids
Q: Did you hear the Energizer Bunny Was Arrested? A: Charged With Battery.
Vote:
has 56.78 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, prison
One day Kermit the Frog was looking sad. Fozzie Bear went up to him and asked what was wrong. Kermit said, "I'm having problems with Miss Piggy." "Like what?" asked Fozzie. "Well, Piggy wants me to eat her out and I can't." Fozzie asked, "So, what's wrong with that? You're not a prude or anything." "No," sighed Kermit, "but I am a Jew."
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, jewish
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, "What is that?" "They're smart pills," said the other boy. "Eat them and they'll make you smarter." So he ate them and said, "These taste like crap." "See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already."
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting
Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar? A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
There was this biologist who was doing some experiments with frogs. He was measuring just how far frogs could jump. So he puts a frog on a line and says "Jump frog, jump!" The frog jumps 2 feet. He writes in his lab book: "Frog with 4 legs – jumps 2 feet." Next he chops off one of the legs and repeats the experiment. "Jump frog jump!" he says. The frog manages to jump 1.5 feet. So he writes in his lab book: "Frog with 3 legs – jumps 1.5 feet." He chops off another and the frog only jumps 1 foot. He writes in his book: "Frog with 2 legs jumps 1 foot." He continues and removes yet another leg. "Jump frog jump!" and the frog somehow jumps a half of a foot. So he writes in his lab book again: "Frog with one leg – jumps 0.5 feet." Finally he chops off the last leg. He puts the frog on the line and teels it to jump. "Jump frog, jump!" The frog doesn’t move. "Jump frog, jump!" Again the frog stays on the line. "Come on frog, jump!" But to no avail. The biologist finally writes in his book: "Frog with no legs – goes deaf."
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, science
What did the calf say to the silo? "Is my fodder in there?"
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales? He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal
What is the definition of "derange"? De place where de cowboys ride.
Vote:
has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, cowboy
<<<67686970
More jokes →
Page 67 of 153.