At a restaurant, one of the customers notices that all of the waiters have two spoons in their vest pockets. A waiter explains, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware is spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement." Then the customer notices a string hanging out of all the waiters' flies. "The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explains the waiter. "That way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims straight, and we don't need to use our hands." The customer asks, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?" The waiter replies, "Well, that's another reason we carry the spoons."
What would you hear at a cow concert? Moo-sic!
Why did the cow jump over the moon? To get to the Milky Way!
Why don't lobsters share? They re shellfish.
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.
Q: why did the cow cross the road? A: So he could pass the milkyway.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
What did the flower say to be the bee? "Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
Q. What’s got 4 legs and bleeds? A. Half a spider!
Mother to little boy: ‘Stop pulling the cat’s tail.’ Boy: ‘I’m not. I’m just holding it. It’s the cat that’s doing the pulling.’