The best animal jokes

Q: Why are fish so smart? A: Because they live in schools.
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has 55.90 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: animal
Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".
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has 55.72 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it." "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?" "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator. "Hm. Well, where do you catch 'em?" "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp." "Same here. Hm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
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has 55.71 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids, lawyer
At a restaurant, one of the customers notices that all of the waiters have two spoons in their vest pockets. A waiter explains, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware is spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement." Then the customer notices a string hanging out of all the waiters' flies. "The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explains the waiter. "That way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims straight, and we don't need to use our hands." The customer asks, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?" The waiter replies, "Well, that's another reason we carry the spoons."
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, food
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off. The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo." The man replies "I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies."
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, travel
Is Snoop serious? Or is Snoop Lion?
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, celebrity, life, music
Why do cows wear bells around their necks? Because their horns don't work.
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal
Chuck Norris invented the Giraffe when he roundhouse kicked a spotted Horse in the chin.
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
What does the fox say? Whatever the hell Chuck Norris tells him to.
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has 55.57 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
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has 55.51 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, sport
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