The best animal jokes

What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas sleigh and is made of cement? I don't know. A reindeer. What about the cement? I just threw that in to make it hard.
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What do you do when two snails have a fight? Leave them to slug it out.
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How does a group of dolphin's make a decision? Flipper coin.
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Who held the baby octopus to ransom? Squidnappers.
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What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths? Lefty.
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Using a novelty invisible dog leash and collar Chuck Norris won the Westminster Dog Show.
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Exasperated dragon on the field of battle: "Mother said there would be knights like this."
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A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.
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A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?" The man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"
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Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette? He didn't have enough money tabaccer!
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More jokes about: animal, money


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