The best animal jokes

When Chuck Norris gets angry, forests explode from their own boiling sap. When Chuck Norris laughs, flowers bloom and butterflies hatch.
Vote:
has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
What South American dance do cows like to do? The Rump-a.
Vote:
has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, music
What are cows favorite party games? MOO-sical chairs.
Vote:
has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, game, music
What do you get if you cross a steer and a chicken? Roost beef.
Vote:
has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Some say Chuck once sneezed a rhino inside out.
Vote:
has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
A Shark alarm at Sydney’s Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water –except for three young boys who didn’'t hear the siren. Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety. He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece. The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle. As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, “That was the most heroic thing I’'ve ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper: “Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark!” “Thanks.” Smiles the fella, “but I'’m not an Aussie. I'’m a British backpacker.” “No worries,” said the journalist with a frown, “it'’ll still be front-page news.” The next day, the newspaper’s headline screamed, “Pommy bastard kills boy'’s pet fish!”
Vote:
has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, death
What's a rabbits favourite car? Any make, just as long it's a hutchback.
Vote:
has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, car
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" The bird said, "You know."
Vote:
has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, ugly, work
The reason we are human is because Chuck roundhouse kicked a monkey into a higher species.
Vote:
has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?" The man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"
Vote:
has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal, time, travel, weather
<<<69707172
More jokes →
Page 69 of 151.