The best animal jokes

Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
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has 56.06 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up. NOW -------- Enough of that crap... The donkey later came back and bit the shit out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock. MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON: When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
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has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q:Where do you find a dog with no legs? A:Right where you left him.
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has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? A: Forget-me-nuts.
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has 56.05 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, Valentines day
Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset? A: He was having a bad hare day!
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has 56.02 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, easter
Koala: What do you mean, I'm not a bear? I have all the koalafications. Elephant: Your koalafications are completely irrelephant. Lion: Don't listen to him! He's lion! Bear: This arguing is becoming unbearable!
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has 55.91 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, elephant
Q: Why are fish so smart? A: Because they live in schools.
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has 55.90 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: animal
A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck, "Water".
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, fish
Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".
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has 55.72 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it." "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?" "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator. "Hm. Well, where do you catch 'em?" "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp." "Same here. Hm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
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has 55.71 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids, lawyer
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