The best animal jokes

Chuck Norris scares cows so bad, milk comes out their nose.
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has 57.55 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.
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has 57.55 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, food
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?” The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
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has 57.45 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, women
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
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has 57.45 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: animal
What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead black person in the road? There’s skid marks in front of the skunk.
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has 57.45 % from 216 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people, death
I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man they love in a cat.
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has 57.35 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal
Go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather. Yours sincerely,  The CAT
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has 57.35 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, weather
One day Kermit the Frog was looking sad. Fozzie Bear went up to him and asked what was wrong. Kermit said, "I'm having problems with Miss Piggy." "Like what?" asked Fozzie. "Well, Piggy wants me to eat her out and I can't." Fozzie asked, "So, what's wrong with that? You're not a prude or anything." "No," sighed Kermit, "but I am a Jew."
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has 57.26 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, jewish
Q: How do you know Noah was a White man? A: No nigger could stay on a boat for 40 days without eating the chickens!
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has 57.21 % from 610 votes. More jokes about: animal, black people, food, racist, white people
A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, dog
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