How does an octopus go to war? Well-armed.
A man runs over a cat. The cat’s address is on its collar so the man goes to apologise to the owner. He knocks on the door and a little old lady answers. The man says, ‘I’m so sorry. I’ve just run over your cat. Can I replace it?’ ‘I don’t know,’ replies the old lady. ‘How are you at catching mice?’
Mother to little boy: ‘Stop pulling the cat’s tail.’ Boy: ‘I’m not. I’m just holding it. It’s the cat that’s doing the pulling.’
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
Q: Why do pandas like old movies? A: Because they are black and white.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
Why do cows think cooks are mean? They whip cream!
Why wouldn't anyone play with the little longhorn? He was too much of a bully!
What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil? Pre-tanned leather.
If you crossed a cow with a goat, what would you get? Half and half.