What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon?
A bird who knocks before delivering its message ! 
Q. Why are fish so smart?
Q. Why are fish so smart
A. Because they swim in schools!
A old snake goes to see his Doctor.
"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days".
The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.
Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain?
(A drizzly bear!)
An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
Vote:
What's a moo hoo for a bunch of weirdo cattle?
A nerd herd.
What's the fastest way to send a rabbit?
Haremail.
Why do polo bears like bald men?
Because they have a great, white, bear place.
What's yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown?
Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin.
What do tigers wear in bed?
Stripey pyjamas.