Q: What's the difference between Yo' Mama and a hippo? A: One has a big mouth and a fat ass. The other lives in rivers in tropical countries.
You can lead a horse to water, but Chuck Norris can make it drink.
You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right? Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla". Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.
Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking. "I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one. "I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second. "I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."
Curiosity didn't kill the cat. Chuck Norris did.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a tadpole and turned it into a frog, then he kicked it again and it died.
How does an octopus go to war? Well-armed.
Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!