How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed.
Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
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A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
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Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in.
Which one do you let in?
The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Three mice in a pub having a bevy discussing who's the hardest.
1st mouse says I'm the hardest I go up to mousetraps rip the cheese out and as the bar comes down i bench press it 30 times and throw it across the room!
2nd mouse says : you poof! I get rat poison' crush it into powder and snort it.
3rd mouse finishes his drink, gets up and walks to the door, where are you going? asked the other 2.
Home he replied to shag the cat!
What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys?
Rhesus Pieces.
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Chuck Norris could stab you with a worm.
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Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet.
That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
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According to leading scientists, the deadliest animal on the planet is the Bearded Norris.
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