Q: What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.
Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.
A beautiful princess comes upon a frog in a meadow near her castle.
The frog hops into the princess' lap and says, "My lady, one kiss from you, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I once was, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set-up housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever be happy doing so."
That night, as the princess dines on lightly sauteed frog legs, she chuckles to herself, "I don't f**kin' think so."
A deer hunter just messed up another hunt.
This happened to him more times than he could count.
He would spot a buck, aim, fire and miss.
He would sneak up close just to get busted and watch the deer run away.
He would sneeze just as the buck came into range.
He would fall asleep on the stand, waking in time to watch a giant buck scamper away.
Frustrated, he complained to his hunting buddies.
"Everything that happens to guys that don't know how to hunt keeps happening to me!" he said.
Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat?
To the calf-ateria.
What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?
Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.
First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros?
Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory.
Did you hear about the man with five keen senses?
He still lacked common and horse!
What dinosaur can't stay out in the rain?
Stegosaur-rust.
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.