The best animal jokes

A child walks into a whore house with a dead frog on a string trailing behind him. He makes his way up to the counter and says to the person behind such named counter to give him the most diseased woman you have. She looks down at him for a few moments and replies “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you….If you would like, we have this young petite thing that could be just what your looking for.” The child puts a 50 dollar bill on the table and repeats “I want the most diseased woman you have.” She looks down at the bill and hesitates but she says to him “I can’t, but we have this nice grandmotherly type for you to cuddle and snuggle up to.” The child looking irritated slams down another 50 dollar bill insisting that she give him the most diseased woman they have. A few moments go by and finally the lady agrees and tells him to go to room 114 and wait a few moments. As he goes up the stairs the dead frog on a string follows right behind him, hitting every step on the way. Half an hour go by and the child comes down the stairs with the dead frog trailing behind. As he is just about to step out the door and back outside the woman behind the counter stops him. “Excuse me, but I have on question before you go…what is the dead frog for? Turning around the child has a look of pure sencerity as he begins to explain. “I wanted the disease so I could give it to my sister, who would give it to my dad, who would give it to my mom, who would give it to the mail man…And that’s the Son of a Bitch who ran over my pet frog.”
Vote: has 54.15 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, death, health, kids
A prisoner at the Edmonton Max started training a large fly to do tricks. For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and sing songs from Phantom of the opera. "When you and I get out of here," the jailbird said to the fly "we’re going to tour the nightspots and make a fortune." Finally the day arrived. Fly safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside its matchbox home), the ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate. At the bar, he brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started moonwalking. "What about this fly, eh?" he said to the bartender. In one swift motion, the bartender reached for his copy of the newspaper The edmonton sun, rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty swipe. "Glad you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Blasted things are everywhere."
Vote: has 54.15 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, animal, music, prison, work
Q: Did you hear the Energizer Bunny Was Arrested? A: Charged With Battery.
Vote: has 54.15 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, prison
How does an octopus go to war? Well-armed.
Vote: has 54.15 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, war
"Why cant you play cards in the jungle?" "Because theres to many cheetahs."
Vote: has 54.04 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, game
Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS? A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.
Vote: has 54.04 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, dirty, health, science, sex
Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air. Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone." George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore." Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark..."
Vote: has 53.80 % from 140 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, little Johnny
I thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 minutes before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.
Vote: has 53.58 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, celebrity, life, music
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
Vote: has 53.46 % from 61 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, black humor, dad, death, dog
Q: What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? A: One says "See you later" and the other says "In a while".
Vote: has 53.18 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, death, time


<<<979899100
More jokes →
Page 97 of 150.