A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?” “Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear? He had his first taste of Christianity!
Q: How do you kill an emo? A: You don't you let depression do the work.
Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner? So they can take bubble baths.
Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife? When she spread her legs he saw bush.
One of my friends returned from Afghanistan and I asked him if he is going to the party tomorrow. He said he can't walk.
Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever. Me: What's that hunny? Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk. Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, I'll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor? They were given a right roasting.
I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight. It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.