What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick. No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
Q: What did Hitler get his granddaughter for her 5th birthday? A: An easy bake oven.
A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide. "I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you cyanide just like that." Without a word, the man takes out his wife's photograph and holds it in front of him. The pharmacist apologizes, "My mistake, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel? A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.
Guy having sex says "damn bitch, there should be a law against sex this good." To which the girl replies "I think there is daddy..."
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay until his business fell off.
Q: How do you kill an emo? A: You don't you let depression do the work.