Q: What do pregnant teenagers and their unborn babies have in common? A: Both their moms are going to kill them!
Q: What's the difference between morbid and black humour? A: Well, black humour is like 10 children in one rubbish bin, whereas morbid humour is like one child in 10 rubbish bins.
Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor? They were given a right roasting.
Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.
My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick. No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?" Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?" "Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden?" her father asks in shock. "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore." Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." "I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the crap out of him."
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
Daughter: "That's it! I'll mary Arthur!" Mother: "But he is a lazy guy and heavy-drinker!" Father: "But you have to start with something!"
How do you know Charles Sweeney was dyslexic? He wanted to order the flaming saganagi, but he accidentally ordered a flaming Nagasaki.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.