What do spinach and anal sex have in common?
If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
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My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick.
No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
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Q: What did Hitler get his granddaughter for her 5th birthday?
A: An easy bake oven.
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A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide.
"I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you cyanide just like that."
Without a word, the man takes out his wife's photograph and holds it in front of him.
The pharmacist apologizes, "My mistake, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
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There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
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Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel?
A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.
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Guy having sex says "damn bitch, there should be a law against sex this good."
To which the girl replies "I think there is daddy..."
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Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
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Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy?
He did okay until his business fell off.
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Q: How do you kill an emo?
A: You don't you let depression do the work.
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