A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when three attractive blondes approach him. The first blonde says to him "I bet you've never been hugged before."
The legless man shakes his head.
Then the second blonde says, "I bet you've never been kissed before."
The legless man shakes his head again.
Then the third blonde says, "I bet you've never been fucked before."
The legless man says, "No."
The third blonde replies, "Well you are now because the tide is coming in!"
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Q: How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
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First Cannibal: "Have you seen the dentist?"
Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."
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There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.
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So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob.
"Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work."
"Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday."
So I call him on his cell.
"What gives, bro,?" I ask.
"Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes."
I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer."
"Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."
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Q: What's the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex?
A: Lefty.
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What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
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Q: Why did Hitler kill himself?
A: He saw his gas bill.
Q: Did you hear the joke about an Earthquake and Japanese nuclear reactor?
A: Not cool.
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Q: What did Hitler get his granddaughter for her 5th birthday?
A: An easy bake oven.
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