Q: How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
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There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.
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So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob.
"Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work."
"Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday."
So I call him on his cell.
"What gives, bro,?" I ask.
"Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes."
I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer."
"Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."
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Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: With a knife.
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Q: What's the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex?
A: Lefty.
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What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
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A man with no legs is lying on the beach, when three attractive blondes approach him. The first blonde says to him "I bet you've never been hugged before."
The legless man shakes his head.
Then the second blonde says, "I bet you've never been kissed before."
The legless man shakes his head again.
Then the third blonde says, "I bet you've never been fucked before."
The legless man says, "No."
The third blonde replies, "Well you are now because the tide is coming in!"
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Q: What did Hitler get his granddaughter for her 5th birthday?
A: An easy bake oven.
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Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL?
A: Sir, we were able to save her!
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Q: What do pregnant teenagers and their unborn babies have in common?
A: Both their moms are going to kill them!