Q: What is the point of Jewish football?
A: To get the quarter back
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What do an airport and a illegal abortion have in common?
The Hanger.
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There are 3 men on a plane a Mexican an American and a Russian the Mexican says "I hate my country!"
And throughs a soup out the window the American says "I hate my country" and throughs a pie out the window.
The Russian says "I hate my country!"
And throughs a bomb out the window.
Then the plane lands and the Mexican sees a kid crying the Mexican says "what's wrong kid?"
The kid says "a soup fell on my mom's head and she burnt to death."
"I didn't do that" says the Mexican.
The American was walking and saw a kid crying "what's wrong kid?"
The kid says "my mom was driving and a pie fell on her windshield and drove off a cliff cause she couldn't see!"
"I didn't do that" says the American.
Then the Russian gets off the plane and saw a kid laughing his head off.
The Russian says "what's so funny?"
The kid says " daddy farted and the house went BOOM BOOM!"
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What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired.
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One day, Muhammad's wife called him a pedophile.
In response, Muhammad asked his wife, "So, how does a 9-year-old know such a big word like that?"
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Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a blender?
A: I don't know, I just like to hear them scream.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Chips.
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A bunch of new recruits are making their first parachute jump.
The sergeant gives instructions: "After you jump out of the plane, count slowly to 10.
Your parachute will automatically open.
If it doesn't, pull the emergency cord.
When you get to the drop zone, there'll be trucks waiting to take you back to the base.
Move out!"
As scared as they are, they all make it out the door.
The last recruit jumps out and slowly counts to 10 -- nothing.
He frantically fumbles around and finds the emergency handle.
He jerks on the cord, and it comes off in his hand.
Raising his head to the heavens, he screams, "I bet them trucks ain't waiting either!!"
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What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday?
He ate himself.
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Two boiled eggs in a pan, one says "Hot in here in it", other says "You think it's hot in here, wait till you get outside they smash your head in."
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Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A: He didn't have any arms.
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