Q: Why was the blonde having trouble sleeping?
A: She forgot to close her eyes.
Death: It's your time. give me your hand
Blonde: No! i know that if i dont touch you then I'll never die!
Death: Holy shit! You figured out the key to living forever! You're soooo smart! High five!
Blonde: *high fives*
Death: Typical blonde... Dumbass...
A blonde goes into a store and sees a shiny object on the shelf.
She asks the clerk, “What is that shiny object?”
The clerk replies, “That is a thermos.”
The blonde then asks, “What does it do?”
The clerk responds, “It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold.”
The blonde says, “Oh! I could use something like that! I’ll take it!”
The next day, as she walks into work with her new thermos she spots her boss and shows off her shiny new thermos, “I just got this yesterday, isn’t it wonderful!
It’s a thermos and it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold!”
The boss asks, “And what do you have in it?”
The blonde replies, “Some coffee and a popsicle.”
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls.
She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin, "For best results, put on two coats".
Why did the Blonde pee in the Grocery Store?
The sign said "Wet Floor."
One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park.
Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, "Oh, look, a dead birdie!"
The blonde looked up and said, "Where?"
A blonde gets lost in her car in a snowstorm.
She remembers her father's advice, "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait for a snow plow and follow it."
Soon a snow plow comes by, and she follows it for about 45 minutes.
Finally, the driver of the truck gets out and asks her what she is doing.
She explains the advice her father had given her.
The driver says, "Well, I'm done with the parking lot here at the mall, now you can follow me over to the bank."
Two blondes wait at a bus stop.
A bus pulls up and opens the door.
One of the blondes leans inside and asks the driver, "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm sorry."
The other blonde leans inside and asks, "How about ME?"
Q: Why did the blond layout on the lawn chair in her bikini at midnight?
A: She wanted to get a dark tan.
A blonde went to her mail box several times before it was even time for the mailman to make his rounds.
A neighbor noticed her repeated trips to the curb and asked if she was waiting for a special delivery.
Her reply: "My computer keeps telling me I have mail."