An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor’s office. “Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.” “I have good news for you,” the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. “Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over.” “Great,” the blonde answered, “I’ll try anything. Let’s give it a shot.” A few weeks later the blonde returned, looking worse than ever. “Doc, your plan is no good. I’m more tired than before!” “I don’t understand how that could be”, said the doctor, shaking his head. “Those are the strongest pills on the market!” “That may be true,” answered the blonde wearily, “but I’m still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it’s hard getting him to swallow the pill!
Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat. "No!" yells the blonde. Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again. "For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?" The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"
A blonde is driving a helicopter and it crashes. When the police come and ask the blond what happened she says, "I got cold so I turned off the big fan!"
Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry." "Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like 'Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry?'" The old man answers, "Is name of owner." The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me, is right here," replies the old man. "You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?" "Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say, 'Hans Olaffsen.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?' I say, 'Sem Ting.'"
Q:Why did the blonde have a triangular coffin? A:Because as soon as her head hits a pillow she spreads her legs!
One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to one of those annoying, pushy businessmen. He asks her if she would like to play a game. She politely declines, but the man explains the game to her anyway. He says, "It goes like this: I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong you will give me $5, and vice-versa." She says no again, and tries to fall asleep. The man tries harder, saying, "Aw, come on. I'll give you $50 for each question. Or how about $500?" At that number, the blonde agrees. The businessman explains again, "If you get my question wrong you give me $5. And when you ask the question, and I get it wrong, I will pay you $500. "Got it," she replies. He asks, "Who was the sixth president?" She admits she doesn't know and gives him $5. Now it's her turn, and she says, "What has purple legs, five arms and only two yellow teeth?" The businessman doesn't know - he uses his laptop, checks the Internet, e-mails his friends. No one knows the answer. So he gives her $500.00. Then, as they're landing he asks her, "What was that thing anyway?" She thinks a few minutes, hands him $5 and walks off the plane.
Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? A: To get chocolate milk.
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!
Q:Why don't blondes get coffee breaks? A:It takes too long to retrain them.