Why don't blondes eat bananas? They can't find the zipper.
Q: What does a blonde do when it gets cold? A: Sits around a candle Q: What does she do when it gets really cold? A: Lights it
She is so blonde, she studied for a blood test.
A blonde is watching a ventriloquist perform at a bar and the ventriloquist, with his dummy, is telling blonde joke after blonde joke, filling the bar with laughter. After several of these jokes, the blonde stands up, infuriated, and yells, "Listen here, jack*ss. Not all blondes are stupid and the jokes need to stop, it is a very cheap way to get laughs." Stunned, the ventriloquist timidly begins to apologize, "Ma'am, I am so sorry. I had no idea I was offending anyone." The blonde replies, "Stay out of this, sir. I'm talking to that little sh*t on your knee!"
A blonde, a brunet and a red head were running from the cops when they came upon three empty sacks laying in front of a closed store. "Let's hide in these and the cops won't find us!" said the red head, and they each dove into the sacks. The brunet hid in one that said CAT. The red head hid in one that said DOG, and the blonde hid in one that said POTATOS. When the cops came by, they saw the bags and said: "Maybe they're in these sacks. Kick one of them." to the other. The other cop kicked the bag the brunet was in that said CAT and she said: "Meow!". So the cop kicked the second bag with the red head that said DOG. She said once kicked: "Woof!". So the cop moved on to the final sack that said POTATOS and kicked it. The blonde cried out: "Potatos!"
Q: What is a blonde's definition of a naval destroyer? A: A hula hoop with a nail in it.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working? A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?" "Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?" "Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces." "Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is." "It's a big rooster," she said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."
A blonde was recently fired from an M&M factory for throwing away Ws and peeling the shells off the candies. Therefore, she needed a new job to support herself. After going around town asking if anyone needed work done, she found a man who needed a painter. "I'm here for the paint job," she said. "Alright," said the man. "Here is the paint and your brush. I want you to paint my porch behind the house." The blonde immediately went to work painting. Within an hour, she was done and decided to put on a second coat. After she finished, she returned to the man for her pay. She said with satisfaction, "I not only completed the job, but I even put on two coats of paint! By the way, that isn't a Porsche out back. It's a new BMW.
A blonde walks in the ice cream parlor and orders a chocolate ice cream cone. The clerk tells her that he has no chocolate ice cream, only vanilla and strawberry. The blonde then orders a pint of chocolate ice cream. The clerk once again tells her he has no chocolate ice cream, just vanilla and strawberry. The blonde then orders a quart of chocolate ice cream. The clerk once again tells her he has no chocolate ice cream, only vanilla and strawberry. The blonde then orders a half gallon of chocolate ice cream. The clerk then asks her how she spells van as in vanilla. She says, V-A-N. He then asks her how she spells straw as in strawberry. She says, S-T-R-A-W He then asks her how she spells fuck as in chocolate. After a while she says there is no fuck in chocolate. THATS WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU