Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
In fourth grade, a teacher edited Chuck Norris's essay. Big mistake. You don't edit Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris edits you... with his fist.
Elvis Presley, Richard Petty, Budweiser, and Michael Jackson all call Chuck Norris "The King".
You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex? Because he never fucks up.
Chuck Norris is who killed Kenny.
Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme play tug a war with live annacondas.
Depending on the circumstances, Chuck Norris will decide whether or not his farts will stink. If he chooses to have them stink, he will then also determine the appropriate percentage level of rankness delivered based on the demographics of the attending audience.
Chuck Norris doesn't go to therapy, therapy goes to Chuck Norris.
Yo mamma so ugly she scares Chuck Norris!
Chuck norris plays frisbee with his retinas.