When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Justin Bieber was inspired by Usher because of his music and dance, Usher was inspired by Michael Jackson The King of Pop, Michael Jackson was inspired by...Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't go on the Internet, he has every Internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
Chuck Norris doesn't drive a car he walks.
Chuck Norris only mast*rbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
Host migration is Chuck Norris pausing multiplayer.
If Clint Eastwood told Chuck Norris to get off his lawn... Chuck would get the hell off his lawn!
If Chuck Norris ran for president, the competition would drop out, and he would get infinite terms.