Chuck Norris doesn't drive a car he walks.
Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
If Chuck Norris ran for president, the competition would drop out, and he would get infinite terms.
Chuck Norris only mast*rbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In reality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
Scientists have predicted the world will end in 2012, but that's just a guess when Chusk Norris' patience will run out.
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you’re thinking to yourself, “But Chuck Norris isn’t black”, then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
Q: What do a bungee jump cord and a hooker have in common? A: If the rubber breaks you're screwed.
Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.