Joke #6269

Chuck Norris only mast*rbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.

Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.

Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.

The Mona Lisa is smiling because Chuck Norris let her live.

A meteor did not kill the dinosaurs, Chuck Norris just went on a hunting trip.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Chuck Norris doesn't run for President; the President runs for Vice God Chuck Norris.

This 12 year old boy was in bed when he heard his mother moaning. He decided that he'd go see whats wrong with her. When he looked in his mothers room he saw that she was laying on her bed naked and rubbing herself and saying, "I need a man, I need a man." So this quite a few times and then one night he heard his mother again, but this time her moaning sounded different, so he went to go check it out, this time instead of seeing his mother alone, he sees his mother in bed with a man. So the boy runs back to his room, strips all his clothes off, jumps on the bed and starts rubbing himself while saying, "I need a bike, I need a bike!!!"

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year unaccompanied in Shemya, Alaska. The first night home, he told his wife he had something to show her. "I've mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!" And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether. "D**k, ten-HUT!" And with that, his d**k sprang to full erection. "D**k, at EASE!" And his d**k deflated again. "That was amazing," said his wife. "Can I bring over our neighbor to show her?" The guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of his accomplishment. So his wife brought back a delicious looking woman. "D**k, ten-HUT!" And his penis sprang up. "D**k, at EASE!" Nothing. "D**k, at EASE!" Still nothing. "For the last time, D**k at EASE!" Frustratingly enough, nothing happened. Embarrassed, he ran off to the bathroom. Worried, his wife ran after and found that he was vigorously masturbating. "What are you doing?" "I'm giving this guy a dishonorable discharge!"