Chuck Norris only mast*rbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. 
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Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
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Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
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A father tells his son to stop jacking off.
"You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says.
The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
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My friend to me "I don't understand why Chuck Norris is the butt of so many jokes."
Me to the friend "Well he does kick a lot of them."
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When Chuck Norris opens a bottle of coke happiness runs away screaming.
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Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
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If Chuck Norris was an answer, there would be no question, Chuck Norris answers to nobody.
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Chuck Norris can beatbox with a triangle.
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