Chuck Norris only mast*rbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. 
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Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
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Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't teach his kicks.
They speak for themselves.
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Jedis are now taught to use the "Chuck".
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Chuck Norris gives poison ivy a rash.
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When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens.
And dies.
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Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender?
A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.
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Q: What do tofu and a dildo have in common?
A: They are both meat substitutes.
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