Chuck Norris only mast*rbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
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Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris went up the creek without a paddle... or a canoe.
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Getting married is like buying a dishwasher.
You'll never have to do it by hand again.
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Q: What's the ultimate rejection?
A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
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Few people can go down Niagra Falls in a barrel.
Chuck Norris can go up Niagra Falls in a carboard box.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need to change the past.
He has never made any mistakes.
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A father tells his son to stop jacking off.
"You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says.
The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."
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