The best computer jokes

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." "Went away?" "They disappeared." "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?" "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type." "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" "What's a monitor?" "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" "I don't know." "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" "Yes, I think so." "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." "...Yes, it is." "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" "No." "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." "... Okay, here it is." "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." "I can't reach." "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" "No." "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle – it's because it's dark." "Dark?" "Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." "Well, turn on the office light then." "I can't." "No? Why not?" "Because there's a power outage." "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." "Really? Is it that bad?" "Yes, I'm afraid it is." "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
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has 80.46 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: communication, computer, customer service, stupid, technology
One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. All of a sudden, the car broke down. The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke." The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas." The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system." All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?" The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."
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has 80.16 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: car, computer, IT, science
A customer comes into the computer store. I'm looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging." "Well," replied the clerk, "Have you tried Vista?"
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has 79.17 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: computer, customer service, game, IT
Chuck Norris doesn't scroll with a mouse. He uses a lion.
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has 79.06 % from 176 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, computer
Q: How do you know if a Chinese tried to rob your house? A: You get home and your maths homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and two hours later He is still trying to back out of your driveway.
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has 78.89 % from 2596 votes. More jokes about: asian, car, computer, math, racist
Chuck Norris can rotate text in MS Paint.
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has 78.59 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, computer, technology
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
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has 78.53 % from 403 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, computer
Once upon a time, a computer programmer drowned at sea. Many were on the beach and heard him cry out, “F1! F1!”, but no one understood.
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has 78.11 % from 142 votes. More jokes about: computer, IT, programmer
A Computer Engineer was asked by his five-year-old son: "Dad, what is Windows 95?" "Well, it’s 32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition."
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has 77.67 % from 235 votes. More jokes about: age, computer, dad, IT, programmer
I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
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has 76.77 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: coding, computer, geek, IT, life
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