Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
Q: Did you hear about the redneck who was shooting craps? A: He blew a hole in the toilet.
Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt." Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."
Q: How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? A: You wake up wet!
Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo? Miss Wilson: In two minutes Malcolm. Do your alphabet first. Malcolm: Ok Miss Wilson. abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz. Miss Wilson: Very good, Malcolm, but where's the p? Malcolm: Miss, it's running down my leg!
Q: What's grosser than gross? A: Two vampires fighting over a used tampon.
Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky? A: Erotic is when you use a feather; kinky is when you use the whole chicken.
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
Yo mama so damn short, she uses salt shaker as a toilet.