The best disgusting jokes

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, couple, disgusting, old people
Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: bird, disgusting, holiday, winter
A married couple go to a restaurant. A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it. The man asks, "Where's the burger?" The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit. "I was keeping it warm," she replies. The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: blonde, disgusting, dog, food, marriage
Q: How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? A: Pick it up and suck it's dick.
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: age, disgusting, women
That moment when you notice that one fork isn't really very clean when you're laying the table and you have to decide which family member you like the least.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, family, food
Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing." Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off. Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing!" Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head. Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached. The next day he goes to see his friend but can't find him. He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, "Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday." The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
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has 61.59 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, football, hospital, sport, work
Birdie, birdie in the sky Dropped some white stuff in my eye, I'm a big girl I won't cry, I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
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has 61.43 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, disgusting, poems
A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt." Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, food, women
Q: How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? A: You wake up wet!
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, winter
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