The best disgusting jokes

Do you know what would be sick? If you sat in Santa's lap and you felt him get a boner. Do you know what would be even worse? If he stood up and you were still sitting in his lap.
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
Q: Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him? A: He came home shit faced.
Vote: has 58.67 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, gay, love
What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan? Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, disgusting
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts. "I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!" "That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chocolate, disgusting, family, food
It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream. Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the garage. With ice cream all over his face and his stomach he says, "So, how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream."
Vote: has 58.51 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, car, disgusting, mechanic, time
One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top. She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel. Then a little girl came running up to her. "If you're going to drown those puppies, at least let me have the one with the cute little pink nose."
Vote: has 58.51 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting
I've accepted every email offer I've ever received. My penis is now 235 feet long.
Vote: has 58.16 % from 74 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, sex
What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See ya next month.
Vote: has 57.61 % from 156 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, lesbian, time
An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests." The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, old people
If I wanted some comeback, I'd wipe it off your chin!
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting