Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!"
"Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive."
"I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?"
"Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are."
"I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!"
"Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"
My mother in law was complaining about her dentures to me.
She told: "Whenever I get overweight it'll be a stench; when I make myself thin it would be stretched; when something squeezes in it then I 'll faint from enjoyment!"
Vote:
Yo' Mama so fat, I can stand on her belly and high-five God.
Yo mama so fat she has more chins than a Chinese phone book.
Yo momma is like a toilet; fat, white, and smells like shit.
Yo' Mama is so fat, her Polo shirts come with real horses on the pocket.
Yo Mama's so fat that when she bends over, the whole country enters daylight saving.
Yo mama is so fat when she ordered a waterbed, I gave her the atlantic ocean.
I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight.
"Was anything wrong with them?" the clerk asked.
"Yes," I said. "They hurt my feelings."
Vote:
A woman is very overweight and goes to see a weight therapist.
The woman asks for some good advices.
The therapist answers like this: "Well you just need to turn your head to the right and to the left when someone asks you if you want to eat at McDonalds."