I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight. "Was anything wrong with them?" the clerk asked. "Yes," I said. "They hurt my feelings."
A rather obese man is very excited about his new job and wants to start work immediately. However, when he sits down at his computer, the only program installed was spreadsheets. Confused, the man calls over his boss and asks:"Why there is only excel installed on this computer?" His boss replies, "It was the only program in your size!"
Alcohol doesn't make you FAT... it makes you LEAN... against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people!
Yo momma so poor when I walked through her front door I was already out the back door.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.
Yo' Mama is so fat, her Polo shirts come with real horses on the pocket.
Yo Mama so fat when Flash tried to run around her he died before he got half way.
Yo mama so fat she has more chins than a Chinese phone book.
Yo mama is so fat when she farts its noise is just a nightingale.
Yo mama is so fat when she ordered a waterbed, I gave her the atlantic ocean.