What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around? Dead Siri-ous.
Q: What has a key but no lock and has space but no room? A: A computer?
Install the Blue Screen of Death screen-saver on someone's computer.
If you messed up your life, you could press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over! To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"! If you needed a break from life, click on suspend. Hit "any key" to continue life when ready. To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster. To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel. To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings. If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers. When you loose your car keys, click on find. "Help" with the chores is just a click away. Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary. You would use your diskette to recover from a crash. And, we could click on "SEND NOW" and a Pizza would be on it's way to you.
What do you get when you try to cross a pit bull with a computer? A lot of bites.
According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphone 6 overheating? Downloading images of Candice Swanepoel.
Chuck doesn't have e-mail, he has HE-mail.
Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.
What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? A URLologist.