Two computers in the same LAN chatting one night: PC1: I was having a nightmare last night, it was so horrible. PC2: Why, what did you dream about ? PC1: I was sleeping, dreaming 0 1 1 0 1 0 0 0 1 0 when all of a sudden a 2 popped up!
Your Momma is so fat, she takes her picture with Google Earth.
Computer users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert. Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don’t know how to fix their computer after they’ve just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people’s computers.
Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
A new army computer is put through its paces. An officer types in a question, ‘How far is it from the barrack gate to the armoury?’ The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred.’ The officer types, ‘Seven hundred what?’ The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred, sir!’
Q: Why did the programmer quit his job? A: Because he didn't get arrays.
A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
A guy tells his friends: The girl I was dating broke my heart, so I broke her Apple iPhone 5. You all know who cried more