3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar.
A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.
Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?
A: Because he didn't get arrays.
Vote:
Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned to the subject of marriage.
Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer.
Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead.
During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring.
Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted: "Well, don't you have something to ask me?"
Dave then got down on bended knee.
"Honey," he said, "Will you buy me a new computer?"
A new army computer is put through its paces.
An officer types in a question, ‘How far is it from the barrack gate to the armoury?’
The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred.’
The officer types, ‘Seven hundred what?’
The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred, sir!’
Programming is like sex.
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Vote:
How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office. I will find you. You have my Word.
Q: What's object-oriented way to become wealthy?
A: Inheritance.
Your Momma is so fat, she takes her picture with Google Earth.