The best IT jokes

God called Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin and Bill Gates to come to a conference. And when they were all there, God said, "I've got good news and I've got bad news. The bad news is that I'm really fed up with the way things are on Earth; so, I've decided to destroy it. The good news is that I'm giving you one week's notice." So, Bill Clinton called into session the joint houses of Congress and announced, "I've got good news and I've got bad news. The good news is there is a God. The bad news is that he's going to destroy the Earth in one week." Boris Yeltsin called into session the Communist Party and announced, "I've got bad news and worse news. The bad news is that there is a God after all. And the worse news is that he's going to destroy the Earth in one week." Bill Gates called all of his programmers, marketing experts and administrators together and announced, "I've got good news and I've got better news. The good news is that God thinks I'm one of the three most important men on Earth. The better news is that we don't have to fix Windows 95."
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has 75.20 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: god, IT, political
You know, I have Google+, Facebook, Twitter, Skype accounts... Man, and do you have life? OMG, No! Could you send me a link?
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has 75.17 % from 321 votes. More jokes about: Facebook, IT, life, technology
Q: What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? A: Lost.
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has 75.00 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: accountant, IT, technology, work
On Unix, I always hide all of my personal files in the /bin/laden directory.
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: computer, geek, IT, programmer, technology
Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer. Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead. During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted: "Well, don't you have something to ask me?" Dave then got down on bended knee. "Honey," he said, "Will you buy me a new computer?"
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has 74.94 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: computer, food, IT, marriage, romantic
Q: Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? A: Because they don't C#.
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has 74.78 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: coding, IT, nerd, programmer, technology
"Have you got the address of the butter website?" "Yes, but don't spread it around."
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: communication, internet, IT, technology
A psychiatrist had no patients in his office and he was bored. Suddenly , the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs. His mouth was full with pieces of colored plastic. He was holding strange objects in his hands. He was dragging cables along behind himself. The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed, "And what do we have here, a little snake? Come to Uncle Doctor, my snake..." The man shook his head. "Oh, sorry, I didn't notice your legs. You're a dragon, right?" The man shook his head again angrily. "Sorry... a worm?" The visitor spitted out the plastic pieces. "Go to hell, you idiot! I'm the system administrator and I came to change your LAN cable!"
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has 74.21 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: animal, computer, doctor, IT, programmer
Q: What do you call a computer expert? A: A control-alt-elite.
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has 73.56 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: computer, geek, IT, work
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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has 73.47 % from 361 votes. More jokes about: IT, life, programmer, sex