UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Q: How many Object Oriented programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they send it a message, and it changes itself.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
Computer users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert. Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don’t know how to fix their computer after they’ve just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people’s computers.
3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.
Q: Why did the programmer quit his job? A: Because he didn't get arrays.
A new army computer is put through its paces. An officer types in a question, ‘How far is it from the barrack gate to the armoury?’ The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred.’ The officer types, ‘Seven hundred what?’ The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred, sir!’
Why did the computer get cold? Because it forgot to close windows.
Your Momma is so fat, she takes her picture with Google Earth.
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.