Q: What do you call a computer expert? A: A control-alt-elite.
Computer users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert. Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don’t know how to fix their computer after they’ve just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people’s computers.
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. "No thanks, I'm traveling light."
3 Database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet.
Q: Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? A: Because they don't C#.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt. The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed". The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong". The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
Why did the computer get cold? Because it forgot to close windows.