Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
King Kong climbed the Empire State Building because Chuck Norris was waiting at the bottom.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris updates his DNA every 5 minutes.
Voldemort once ran into Chuck Norris. He is now known as Harry Potter.
Chuck Norris can bend light with a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris never wears steel toe boots, they make his roundhouse kicks softer.
Chuck Norris doesn't check the time - he decides it.
Chuck Norris caught a bullet with the same gun he fired it from.
Chuck Norris installed his own home security system. It's called "Chuck Norris."
Chuck norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund