Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
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Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb.
On his penis.
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Chuck Norris graduated college in one hour.
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Chuck Norris can unlock a hairpin with a door.
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Superman is weakened when exposed to Kryptonite.
Chuck Norris eats Kryptonite for breakfast without even a belch.
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Chuck Norris won a staring contest with his eyes closed.
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Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
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Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can whistle in five different languages, including sign language.
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Chuck Norris doesn't make typos.
Words simply stutter in his presence.
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Chuck Norris invented the question mark... so he could say the sentence "Do you want to die slowly of fast?"
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