Chuck Norris uses a gun to be humane.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone
Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 Minutes in a half-hour.
In an official mandate, 'Walker, Texas Ranger' DVD discs have been ordered to replace the armor plating in all bulletproof vests.
Chuck Norris doesn't tell lies. He changes facts.
There are no comets. Only people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked so hard that they are now in permanent orbit in our solar system.
Chuck Norris doesn't smile, his mouth smiles for him.
If Chuck Norris misses a roundhouse-kick, you will still die.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king.