Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
They say, "You can't fight city hall", but Chuck Norris can. It's not much of a fight....
Chuck Norris got elected for president, even though he didn't run for anything.
Chuck Norris once broke the sound barrier. In half.
This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad. He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.
Q: What do a bungee jump cord and a hooker have in common? A: If the rubber breaks you're screwed.
Chuck Norris tells clocks what time it is.
The largest unit of digital information is called Chuckbyte.
Stonehenge was made by Chuck Norris stacking blocks as a baby.