If Chuck Norris was in Lord of the Rings, he wouldn't need to take it to Mount Doom, he would destroy it with one roundhouse kick.
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Chuck Norris can sit in the shade...in an open field.
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The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning.
The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.
One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church.
They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.
The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"
Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir.
The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy.
After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church.
The priest was holding steady in the pulpit.
The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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Chuck Norris is the only person that can deliver a roundhouse kick in full 1080p, remember that the next time you watch Walker Texas Ranger in Blu-Ray.
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Chuck Norris eats blackholes as light snacks.
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Q: How many licks does it take Chuck Norris to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
A: Zero. He simply stares at the candy and the outer coating is gone.
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Chuck Norris "Caught 'Em All " twice.
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If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
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When Google has a question Chuck Norris always knows it.
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Chuck Norris jokes are a oxymoron because Chuck Norris isn't a joke.
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Chuck Norris climbed the stairway to heaven, and came back down again.
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