Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light.
Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. 
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Chuck Norris doesn't solve math - math solves Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't expect the unexpected.
He knows the unexpected.
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Q: Why are there prairies?
A: Because Chuck Norris scared the trees away.
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How long does it take Chuck Norris to get to Asia?
2 months...
How does he get there?
He walks.
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The Earth does NOT revolve around the Sun.
The Earth is stationary.
The Sun follows Chuck Norris as he makes his daily jog around the Earth.
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Someone asked Chuck Norris to climb Mount Everest.
After his 10th endeavor, he wrote a book.
"Ten Different Ways to Climb Mount Everest"
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Harry Potter needs 8 movies to seek and destroy Voldemort.
Chuck Norris needs 4 seconds.
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Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
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Chuck Norris' toothpaste doesn't have baking soda in it, it has gunpowder in it.
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Chuck Norris can stare you to death while looking the other direction!
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