Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light.
Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris. 
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Chuck Norris doesn't travel at the speed of light, light travels at the speed of Chuck Norris!
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Chuck Norris will never die.
The Grim Reaper is too scared to come and claim him.
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Chuck Norris once taught a French Bulldog to be English.
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Chuck Norris uses flatbed trailers as roller skates.
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Wherever you go, Chuck Norris will already be there.
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Chuck Norris can use a touch screen without touching it.
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I had an idea once, and a light bulb appeared over my head.
Chuck Norris had an idea, and the sun was created.
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Chuck Norris has his own protien powder.
The ingriedients include: cocoa powder, stem cells, dodo egg protien, enriched uranium, LSD, and Vin Diesel.
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What every sports player should say after winning?
"First of all, I would like to thank Chuck Norris for not competing."
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When Chuck Norris wears a mood ring, it doesn't say whether he's happy or sad.
It says he's Chuck Norris.
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