What would you do if a Blonde threw a hand grenade right at you? "Just pull the pin and throw it back."
Did you hear about the blonde who went to a library and checked out a book called How to Hug? She got it home and found it was volume seven of the encyclopaedia.
One day a blonde, brunette, and redhead were stuck on an island 100 miles away from civilization. The only way to get home was to swim. The brunette swam 50 miles before drowning. The redhead swam 64 miles before getting attacked by a shark. The blonde went 99 miles but got tried a swam back to the island.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A: For throwing out the W's
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance? A: 144 blondes.
Q: What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college? A: "Would you like fries with that?"
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" "Why" asks the Blond "Because your breast is hanging out." She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!", the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
Blonde: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a cell phone?" Blonde: "They're too expensive, so I did the next best thing: I put a mailbox in my car." Psychiatrist: "And do you receive any letters?" Blonde: "No, but I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
A blonde walks into an appliance store and says I would like to buy that T.V. please. The store clerk replies Im sorry, we dont do business with blondes. So she stormed off back to her house and dyed her hair black. The next day, she went back to the same store and said I would like to buy that T.V. please. The store clerk, once again, replies Sorry, we dont do business with blondes. The blonde replied How did you know I was blonde? The clerk says Because thats a microwave, not a T.V.