What to polar bears eat for lunch?
(Ice berg-ers!)
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What's yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown?
Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin.
Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan?
He got cut off without a scent.
Why can’t elephants go on the beach?
Because they can’t keep there trunks up.
Q: What is a duck's favorite TV show?
A: The feather forecast!
Why don't lobsters share?
They re shellfish.
Q: Why is the camel called the ship of the desert?
A: Because it's full of Arab semen.
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Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A: After a year the dog is still happy to see you.
A little girl asks her Mom, "May I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom says, "No honey, the dog is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your Father.
I think he's in the garage".
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block?
I asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and said I should ask you".
Her Dad said, "Bring Susie over here".
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it and said, "Ok, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block".
The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Her Dad asks, "Where's Susie?"
The girl replies, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block -and there's another dog pushing her home!
What kind of money do polar bears use?
Ice lolly.
A man enters a pet shop. He wants to buy live mice to feed his python. The man saw the cage with a parrot and begins to examine it. In this moment the parrot said,
"Your fly is undone."
The man blushed. He looked around if anyone sees him and closed his zipper. The parrot said again,
"Your pants have a slit back."
The man blushed still more and tried to cover his ass with a hand.
"Your shoelaces are untied", the parrot does not cease.
The man bent down to tie his shoelaces.
"Farted! ... You little fart", the parrot yelled.
The man died of shame and fled from the store. At this point the mice called from their cage and said,
"Coco, thanks you! You saved our lives again. You know, we'll make it up to you."