Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over thePacific Ocean.
You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris can make a stop sign say go.
Santa Clause doesn't watch you sleep but Chuck Norris does.
When Chuck Norris opens a bag of Doritos, it's fucking full!
Just announced that they are changing all the days of the week to Chuckdays. Happy Chuckday everyone!
Chuck Norris watched the entire Lord of the Rings without blinking.
Chuck Norris doesn't have an ATM PIN – the machine just spits out cash – at every bank!
Chuck Norris once went skydiving but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
T. S. Eliot measured out his life with coffee spoons. Chuck Norris uses a backhoe.
Chuck Norris is the reason terrorists hide in caves.