If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till."
After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
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Chuck Norris was the Best Man at his own wedding.
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When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
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The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out.
It failed miserably.
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Chuck Norris once shot someone with a knife.
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The cops pulled Chuck Norris over for going 55 miles per hour on the freeway.
But since he wasn't in a car, they had to give him a ticket for jaywalking.
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The fact that the evil killer doll from the movie 'Child's play' is named 'Chucky' is not a coincidence.
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Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
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When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged.
He holds up the phone and money falls out.
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If, by some incredible space-time parodox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win.
Period.
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