Don’t marry a tennis player. Love means nothing to them. Cricket
Q: What's the difference between a teabag and england? A: The teabag stays in the cup longer!
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The husband said, "No sweetie." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."
What’s the difference between an aerobics instructor and a torturer? The torturer would apologize first.
Where's the safest place to be when a bunch of white guys are playing basketball? Under the Hoop
Billy and Joe were huge baseball fans. One day, both Billy and Joe made a pact that if either of them were to die; they had to come back to the other in the form of a ghost to let the other know if baseball was played in heaven. Sure enough, Billy dies and eventually comes to Joe one night in the form of a ghost. A startled Joe realizes it is the ghost of his deceased friend and says "Billy, it is so good to see you...so tell me, is there baseball in Heaven?". "Well", Billy says, "I have some good news and bad news for ya. First the good news...YES, there is baseball in heaven!". "Thank God!" Joe shouts... "What is the bad news?!". "You're pitching tomorrow."
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California lottery!" Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
Why can't girls play hockey? Because their pads can't last three periods.
Q: What game does the brontosaurus like to play with humans? A: Squash.
I’ve got nothing against watching a darts match. I just wish my IQ were low enough to enjoy it.
The other day was Take Your Daughter To Work day. The Cubs had a fun time, played a little scrimmage against their daughters. Unfortunately they lost, 15-3.