While giving a physical, a doctor notices that his patient’s shins are covered in dark, savage bruises.
‘Tell me,’ says the doctor.
‘Do you play hockey or soccer?’
‘No,’ said the man. ‘But my wife and I play bridge.’
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The frustrated golfer drove over the river and threw the woods.
Swimming
Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
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Q:Why don't hockey players drink tea?
A:Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
Q: What do you get if you cross a football team with a flower center?
A: Nottingham forest.
Q: Why can women play hockey?
A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.
Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!"
Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir!"
The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.
"Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" she asked the instructor.
"P-u-t-t is correct," he replied.
"Put means to place a thing where you want it.
Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."
Zeke: Why were the swimming elephants thrown out of the Olympics?
Kyle: I haven't a clue.
Zeke: Because they couldn't keep their trunks up!
Golfer: The doctor says I can't play golf.
Caddy: O! So, he too has played with you?