Who was the last person to box Rocky Marciano?
His undertaker.
Golf
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They presented him with a cup when he was a boxer.
It was to keep his teeth in.
These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success.
Finally they came up with a foolproof plan.
(emphasis on fool)
They got themselves a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the
mating call of a cow moose.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.
So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call.
Before too long their call was answered by bull in the forest.
They called again, the bull answered closer to them.
They called again, The bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
As the bulls' pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him"!
After a moment, that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts -
"THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!"
The front guy says, "Well, I'm gonna start nibbling grass,
but you better start to "brace yourself!"
The water in Rio is so bad that even Usain Bolt had the "runs" in his last race!
Do you know why the Cincinnati Bengals were the last NFL team to get a website?
Because they couldnt put three W's in a row.
Julia began her job in a secondary school as a counselor and she was keen to help the pupils.
One day during break-time she noticed a girl standing all by herself on one side of the playing field while the rest of the children were enjoying a game of soccer at the other end of the field.
Julia approached and asked if she was all right.
The girl said that she was.
Some time later, however, Julia noticed that the girl was in exactly the same spot, still by herself.
Going up to her again, she enquired, 'Would you like me to be your friend?'
The girl hesitated, then said, 'Alright,' while looking at Julia with some suspicion.
Feeling she was making progress, Julia then asked, 'Why are you standing here all alone?'
'Because,' the girl said with a large sigh, 'I'm the goalie!'
During preseason training, a college football lineman married one of the team's cheerleaders.
The coach was a bit surprised and remarked to his star football player, "You are such a big, burley guy.
Why in the world did you marry such a tiny, petite woman?
She is no bigger than your hand."
"That's right, Coach," replied the lineman.
"But, she's much better!"
What games do ants play with elephants?
Squash!
Q: What do you get when you combine a Starbucks and Yoga class?
A: I don't know, but there's probably a hipster close by.
A golfer was addressing his ball, getting ready to shoot.
Just as he was about ready to hit, a voice came over the p.a. system -
"Will the gentleman on the lady's tee please move back to the men's tee".
He looked up, looked back down and then resumed addressing the ball again.
The Voice again - "Will the Man on the Red tees PLEASE MOVE BACK to the White Tees?!"
He looked back at the starters shack and yelled,
"Will the IDIOT on the p.a. shut up so that the man on the lady's tee can hit his second shot"!
Ballet is banned within a 1000 miles of Chuck Norris.
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