Who was the last person to box Rocky Marciano?
His undertaker.
Golf
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Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear.
The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later.
The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him.
The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?"
The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you moron!"
I'll never understand how you can come up second in a biathlon.
I mean – you've got a gun, haven't you?
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I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with her fitness trainer.
Me: "Okay, this isn't working out."
Chuck Norris doesn't throw a baseball, it just leaves his hand cowering in fear.
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Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
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How did the blonde die icefishing?
She got run over by the zamboni!
"I felt a lump in my mouth as the ball went in." - Terry Venables.
Q: Why can women play hockey?
A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.
George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, and Bill Clinton were on the yellow brick road, going to see the Wizard of Oz.
When they got there, the Wizard of Oz said they could each have one wish.
''I want to have brains,'' said George W. POOF! He got some brains.
''I want to have a heart,'' said Dick Cheney. POOF! He had a heart (albeit a problematic one.)
''I want to have courage,'' said Colin Powell. POOF! He had courage.
Finally it was former President, Bill Clinton's turn. ''Well, what do you want?'' asked the Wizard.
Clinton thought a moment and asked, ''Ummm... Is Dorothy around?''