Joke #4392

A woman is speaking to her friend, ‘My husband has got one foot in the grate.’ ‘Don’t you mean one foot in the “grave”?’ says the friend. ‘No,’ replies the woman. ‘He wants to be cremated.’

First Cannibal: "Who was that girl I saw you with last night?" Second Cannibal: "That was no girl, that was my supper."

Q: How do you know if a girl is pregnant? A: Shove a tampon and see if all of the cotton is picked.

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution. "Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile. "Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac. There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."

If you want to feed an injured woodpecker, take it by the tail and hit it to the tree.

What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib ? A Pedophiles ass.

Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender? A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.

First cannibal: "Come and have dinner in our but tonight." Second cannibal: "What are you having?" First cannibal: "Hard-boiled legs."

Want to hear a clean joke? The boy took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a man.

I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.