A woman is speaking to her friend, ‘My husband has got one foot in the grate.’
‘Don’t you mean one foot in the “grave”?’ says the friend.
‘No,’ replies the woman.
‘He wants to be cremated.’
Vote:
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
The FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.'
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... we need you to kill her' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'
Finally, the last man was given the same instructions, to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the man, wiping the sweat from his brow. 'Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks' he said. 'I had to strangle that bitch to death'.
Vote:
Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?
A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.
Vote:
I love blacks. It's a pitty they are not being traded anymore...
Vote:
What's pink and spits?
A baby in a frying pan.
Vote:
Always go to other people’s funerals, or they won’t go to yours.
Vote:
Some people just need a hug… Around the neck… with a rope.
Vote:
My grandfather can no longer do the things he loved to do as a teenager.
Flying planes, bombing Germans...
Vote:
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!
Vote:
It is genetically pre-recorded in men’s brain to look for a women, which is alike his mother – said Mr. John to the judge at the court, where he was being blamed for raping his sister.
Vote:
What do you call a baby on a stick?
A Kebabie.
Vote: