You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris can break his opponents serve with an ace.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris invented zombies so that he can kill his victims again.
Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone
Jason Bourne is Chuck Norris' daughter...
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Chuck norris sneezes bullets at people.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear. He sleeps with a real bear.