Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
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Last year Chuck Norris won the prize for best float at the Carnival in Rio simply by walking in the parade wearing his cowboy hat.
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Climate change is just Chuck Norris playing with the thermostat.
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Chuck Norris roundhoused some wannabe cop named Agent Sasevel so hard that it rearranged the letters of his name to Steven Seagal.
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Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
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Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin.
The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
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Chuck Norris could catch that damn acorn in those ICE AGE movies!
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Chuck Norris' sweat is used to disinfect operating rooms.
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Chuck Norris is the only weapon allowed through airport security
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Chuck Norris' pager is still cool.
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