Two things in life are certain: Death and a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris uses an air bag... in order to protect the inside of his car in case he stops too fast.
When Chuck Norris says 'Candyman' five times in a row, no one appears. Candyman ain't stupid.
When Norris hits the road, he destroys it.
The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.
One day Chuck Norris went into Wal Mart. The clerk told him to have a nice day. The next day the clerk was found dead. The police asked Chuck Norris if he killed her and he said yes so they asked him why. He said " Nobody tells Chuck Norris what to do"
When Chuck Norris talks, E.F. Hutton listens.
Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
If Chuck Norris was in Lord of the Rings, he wouldn't need to take it to Mount Doom, he would destroy it with one roundhouse kick.
T. S. Eliot measured out his life with coffee spoons. Chuck Norris uses a backhoe.