Chuck Norris doesn't fall, he merely tests the durability of the floor with his face.
After being shot by a criminal, Chuck Norris said... "that tickles".
Scientists called it a big bang, Chuck Norris called it an alarm clock.
You know the movie, Alien VS Predator? Well it used to be called Alien VS Predator VS Chuck Norris, but no body would pay to see a fight 7 seconds long.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to change the past. He has never made any mistakes.
I got a tattoo of Chuck Norris on my own leg... now it won't stop roundhouse kicking me in the face.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear. He sleeps with a real bear.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a Facebook, he has a Fistbook... No one's his friend.
Chuck Norris is the only person who can kick someone in the back of the face.
My insurance policy says: "Does not cover acts of God, or Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.