Joke #6877

When Chuck Norris decides he wants to kill some time... it's not a figure of speech. He actually does it.

Chuck Norris thinks that anyone who can't survive cranial impact with a steam hammer simply isn't making an effort.

Chuck Norris can make sounds come out on his Air Guitar.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.

You know the movie, Alien VS Predator? Well it used to be called Alien VS Predator VS Chuck Norris, but no body would pay to see a fight 7 seconds long.

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

The actual definition of U.F.O is Chuck Norris's Toy Frisbee.

There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar. The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically. "That's amazing," said the bartender. "Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby. "Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."

Chuck Norris is the ultimate hide and seek player; no one dares find him.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA.